Thirty-One Short Blurbs About Prospects

We’ve all had the arguments, we know where we stand and why. I hashed out around half of these guys in various posts since the tail end of December, and many more in the comments of the Reader Poll, and Matt is going to go into way more detail that I am tomorrow. So, without further delay, I bring you:

Thirty-One Short Blurbs About Prospects:

1. Jesse Biddle LHP – Everything went in the right direction for Biddle in 2012 to make this jump to number 1, including this EDM DJ being not great at baseball and then getting traded.

2. Tommy Joseph C – I hear he’s got magic bats and he’s willing to share. That’s LEADERSHIP.

3. Roman Quinn SS – When someone says to you “Hey, that was fast!”, just remember, Roman Quinn’s been done for days. Guy’s fast, is what I’m saying (jump to 0:22 and watch him fly past the camera twice in 15 seconds whilst touching all four bases on the same line drive toward the LF corner).

4. Adam Morgan LHP – Would like to see better K and BB Rates at AA before he moves up in 2013. And less dead deer in his Twitter avi. Gross, bro.

5. Maikel Franco 3B – Big second half in 2012. Spells first name funny. That’s all you need to know.

6. Jonathan Pettibone RHP – Are we calling him P-Bone or J-Bone?  Not sure which is more ridiculous, but I hope we pick the one that is. I vote “P-Bone”. Sounds dirtier.

7. Ethan Martin RHP – Have you seen his hair without a hat? Glorious!

8. Shane Watson RHP – Should feel right at home pitching for Lakewood this year. Watch now they’ll start him in Williamsport to make me look bad. DAMN YOU JOE JORDAN!!!

9. Carlos Tocci CF – MUST. RESIST. MENTIONING. THIS. Ok, couldn’t resist – he’s #15 on the list there with an injury report we all dance around for fear of (at least for me), projectile vomitting.

10. Cody Asche 3B – Hope he’s working on his bat flip. Every guy named Cody should have an 80 bat flip.

11. Phillippe Aumont RHP– I don’t speak French, but I’m pretty sure his name means “Filthy Cheese”. Appropriate. And potentially delicious.

12. Justin DeFratus RHP – Can I be serious for a moment? Good.  Cause I have nothing “funny” or even “glib” to say about Justin DeFratus. Seems like a nice man. Tall, but not too tall, ya know?

13. Mitch Gueller RHP – Did you know? – Last name is pronounced like O’s great Mike Cuellar. #false

14. Dylan Cozens OF/1B – The Reading bus driver is really nervous about this guy. Way bigger, and definitely scarier than Tyson Gillies, IMO.

15. Larry Greene Jr. OF/1B – If he never does a single thing in his career, at least he was on MLBN commercials every day for a really long time.

16. Sebastian Valle C – “Production” without walks. Should fit right in.

17. Austin Wright LHP – Austin Wright sounds so much less like a hotel than Austin Hyatt. Wonder why that is? Language is funny, y’all.

18. Darin Ruf LF/1B – Can’t believe we voted this guy sixteenth in our poll. Way too h- sorry, what’s that now? Sixth? Wow.

19. Brody Colvin RHP – New nickname I thought up for him – “Bunny” (yes, I thought of that and anyone who says otherwise is wrong and their proof is manufactured). Anyway, it’s perfect – if he stinks we get Bill Rawls to come chew him out. That’s motivation. Also DYK this actor’s name is Jay Landsman? Yes, I am a total nerd for “The Wire”. I lived in Baltimore for a while. Cut me some slack.

20. Cesar Hernandez 2B – I always say his first name really violently in my head. SAY-zaaaar! Like imagine Ricardo Montalban saying it.

21. Cameron Rupp C

22. Kelly Dugan OF – We all know his dad directed Happy Gilmore, but did you know his dad was also the guy who played the PGA Tour President guy in said film? I did not until today, but here’s the back of his head with Julie Bowen from Modern Family.

23. Kevin Brady RHP – When I lived in Charleston, everyone liked or hated Clemson or U of South Carolina. I liked the beach and hated the still-present whiff or institutional racism. Kevin Brady went to Clemson. I have no idea if he’s a racist or if he likes the beach. Or neither or both. Fingers crossed for “Yes Beach/Not Racist”.

24. Zach Collier CF – Seems to have toned down his Twitter persona since that time he tweeted about women being at “a certain time of the month” right after being added to the 40-man roster. Good move.

25. Franklyn Vargas LHP – Like Franco, also spells first name funny. But like, odd funny. Maikel Franco’s seems like it’s cultural. Vargas’ seems like he had yuppie parents. Like naming your daughter Krystyn.

26. Deivi Grullon C – Wonder what he’s doing with that big pile of money they gave him? Municipal bonds, prolly.


28. Tyson Gillies CF – This one time, Tyson Gillies didn’t get hurt. Just that once, though.

29. Kenny Giles RRPFlat hat, fast ball. If he ever becomes the Phils’ closer, I hope 30 dudes in right field get this hat and don’t bend the brim.

30. Mitch Walding 3B – Second Mitch on the list. Rad. This spot almost went to Zach Green, which would have been double-super exciting on the name front, even though Greene is spelled differently than Green, (it’s the “e” at the end, ICYMI).

Comeback Candidate – Jiwan James CF– Remember when he went all MacGyver with the shower curtain last year? Hopefully, that’s what he’s going to do at the plate this year. Except with a bat and hitting a baseball instead of, you know, showering.

What do you think? Did I miss an obvious joke? I tried to hit all the highlights. Enjoy the discussion as we wait on Matt’s Top 30 tomorrow!

40 thoughts on “Thirty-One Short Blurbs About Prospects

  1. The character Jay Landsman is actually named after that actor. David Simon came across him when writing the book Homicide is based on. He also later gave him a role on The Wire.

    To be clear, the character Jay Landsman is played by Delaney Williams, while the character Lt. Dennis Miello is played by Jay Landsman.

    1. Right – and Jay Landsman (the guy, not the character), is briefly in “The Corner”, which I think is still on HBO On Demand for another week. We watched it a couple weeks ago. Really powerful stuff about the lives of the addicts, (and a little about dealing), and full of actors from The Wire. And the real guy who the young man from The Corner is based on turned into an actor of sorts on The Wire as well – he played Lamar, Brother Muzone’s “henchman”. He just died recently, as did the inspiration for Omar Little.

  2. Keith Law has stated on the record that he doesn’t believe Cody Asche’s bat flip will play in the bigs.

    1. Oh, it’ll play. I have inside info that he’s changed his load this off-season and the flip is much more compact.

    1. I think Gillies could but I am done assuming he can be healthy. If he were a pitcher with injuries in three straight years we’d have written him off last season. Whether we like it or not, or can justify some of it with “misdiagnosis” and “head injury not a leg injury” kind of talk, he’s not been able to stay on the field.

      Ruf, to me, is an ok platoon player as a 1B (which doesn’t usually happen), or a weak platoon player in LF, (because of his speed and its effect on his defensive value). And a platoon guy only nets him ~250 PA per year as a RHB.

      I hope to be proven wrong about both guys, but that’s how I look at it right now.

      1. Revere will catch everything foul-line to foul-line. Maybe Young and Ruf can take foul territory.

  3. I would prefer calling Pettibone “Johnny Bones” because it makes him sound like he’s in the mafia. Maybe it will intimidate hitters.

    Ethan Martin looks like a bulked up Napoleon Dynamite.

  4. Good, sensible list. Only have issue with two placements: Cozens over Larry Greene and Dugan over Collier.

    1. Cozens and Greene came down to nit-picking for me. I took Cozens handful of steals as an indicator that he’s got more athleticism, and might be more likely to stick in the OF than Greene, and a whole lot of other things seemed to be kind of even. I don’t think I am overweighting Cozens GCL stats or underrating how hard it is to hit for power in WIL. Maybe I am.

      I don’t buy Collier as a regular, and I think Dugan is a truly fine hitter. If he can stick in the OF he’s got a chance to be a regular, IMO.

      1. I don’t know how they come up with their positional projections, but Baseball America seems to look at Dugan as a 1B. In the handbook, BA has Dugan as the 4th best 1B prospect in the system. Behind Darin Ruf, Chris Serritella and William Carmona.

        1. Yeah, I have seen that. Not sure why they don’t think he can stick in the OF or if they just don’t see room for him out there. To consider Dugan a lesser prospect than Carmona, right now, seems very strange. Even if it is at 1B, where Dugan’s bat doesn’t play as well as it does in the OF, I think assuming Carmona ahead of him there is jumping the gun. The whole thing kind of makes me wonder about their placement of Dugan.

  5. That picture of Ethan Martin totally looks like it was taken from a late-70s issue of Tiger Beat.

    1. I didn’t have “Tiger Beat” in my head, but late 70s for sure. I wonder if he likes disco and doing giant piles of cocaine.

  6. Brad, I have a nit to pick with you. You had to remind me of the Tocci injury. I walked funny for a week after reading it last time. Now I’ve got a limp again.

  7. Now I know why people wanted Tocci #1 anybody who survives a fractured testy deserves to be the top prospect in the system. this is by far the greatest post on this site…ever. Thanks!

  8. Collier to me is the one to watch this year, its make or break, and if he continues to improve, we could have that left fielder to go with revere for the future,or right fielder speedy outfield we could have without much power though,but if ruf is as good as i really believe he can be as a hitter, that would be a nice outfield,

  9. Bradindc, I’m from South Carolina and I’m extremely upset that you would call into question an entire state because you hung out with some idiots in Charleston. How could you be so unprofessional as to mention racism in Kevin Brady’s post. Sir, I have absolutely no respect for you.

    1. I think he was just trying to be a bit light/comical on that matter. Has wrote on the site plenty and have not seen him to be closed minded.

    2. He thinks S Carolina is something, he should visit Mississippi or Alabama even today. Head would spin.

    3. Months later, defending myself – so you don’t think there’s a “whiff of institutional racism” in South Carolina? They hadn’t completely integrated one county’s schools until 2005 or something. They fly the rebel flag on the state house grounds, and over BBQ joints. Drive for half an hour in any town and count the confederate flag bumper stickers. Dozens? Hundreds? IT’S THE SYMBOL OF SLAVERY everywhere except those states who didn’t want to give up slavery. The day in 2003/4 that they buried confederate soldiers found in a sunken submarine was like a national holiday in Charleston. They shut roads and televised the whole thing like it was the last remaining vestige of better days gone by.

      Now, I said “Whiff”. Not saying you’re a racist, but there’s still racism in South Carolina, and if you can’t see it, well, you must interact with only the most enlightened people and be completely blind to your surroundings. Congrats to you, person who will almost certainly never come back and read this response.

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